happy meowsgiving.

we've just spent the past four nights together.
i've almost said it a few times -- almost.



we make a great team for kaiten sushi.




thursday nov. 19, 4:15 a.m.:
i love you

monday was my first day of work. i passed out cold.

ben and i went to swedish, and i was honestly just expecting to have some workups done and be put on a drip. i wound up admitted for two nights in pre-op for a pneumothorax. the surgery turned out to not be necessary, and i do feel a lot better from the multiple sodium chloride and banana bags. i'm now outpatient and have been stuck more times in the past few days than my whole life. truth be told, they still didn't really tell me anything. work is being nice, though.

ben slept in the hospital bed with me a night and would have another had i insisted he go live his life. he's something else. i honestly do not understand it.





this thanksgiving i am in charge of the green bean casserole. i'm making the classic campbell's version with sauteed mushrooms, and i am also making a lactose-free version with sherry.

1.5 lbs. green beans, cleaned and blanched in salted water
10 oz. mushrooms, slices
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 tbl. flour
1 1/2 cup french fried onions
3/4 cup chicken broth
1 tbl. sherry
3/4 cup soy creamer
salt and pepper to taste

brown mushrooms in olive oil until dry. in a sauce pan, simmer broth. add garlic, salt, and pepper to mushrooms and saute. whisk flour into broth and add sherry, mushrooms, and 3/4 cup onions. let thicken for about 5 minutes; add soy creamer and let thicken (5 - 10 mins.). fold in beans and adjust the seasoning. bake at 425 F for 10 minutes. stir; top with 3/4 cup onions. bake another 5 minutes until bubbling.

my tattoo list (which is in my corporeal journal) is at six.
fuck.




i want.

life is starting to just become this blur of activity. it's like being spun so fast on a merry-go-round when all of a sudden every fucking thing about life in that very moment is beautiful.

i'm having two teeth pulled this saturday... which happens to be the same day that a friend from high school is randomly visiting the pacific northwest/seattle, so i may not get to see him. i'm a little sad about it, but i'm going to make him a great list of off-the-beaten-path places to visit in the city so that he has a great time nonetheless. my parents are renting a gorgeous house on vashon island that overlooks the water and has some land. they're moving on the 15th, and i'm getting their couch and reclining chair for the apartment. i have a lot of memories tied to those two pieces of furniture; i never thought i'd wind up owning them. my braces are being put on the 21st, and then we're going to be in arkansas for thanksgiving. i haven't seen erin in a really long time. i'm not really sure when the last time was, to be honest. maybe we'll get drunk.

school is a lot more intense than i imagined it being. 15 hours is in no way easy, especially when one of those classes is a distance-learning course. my teachers are phenomenal and funny and reliable and good guys, even through this whole mono/flu combo i have been having. dropping 11 pounds in a month really does not lead to productivity. an enlarged spleen, again, really does not lead to much productivity. i'm seeing a really terrific guy who has already made me homemade silk roasted garlic mashed potatoes and measures out my tussin. laying in bed with said terrific guy, again, does not lead to much productivity. he has a toothbrush at my house.

i just started venturing out and looking for jobs. there's a plastination exhibition similar to the one i worked out in milwaukee, and it's showing in downtown. i gave them my resume and hopefully i'll hear from them. the people who work there are really nice. i think i'd even be able to keep my septum ring in, which would be great since i'm been struggling to keep it from becoming infected. it turns out that you touch/destroy your nose a lot when you're sick.

i'm considering asking for my first new-gen system for christmas -- most likely a playstation, but i don't know if i have the balls to ask for a playstation 3. there are a lot of games i've been thinking about lately (bladestorm, dynasty warriors and samurai warriors, assassin's creed, call of duty... soulcalibur, ninja gaiden sigma, various other hack-and-slash, and even just fucking tony hawk or shaun white) but this could be because i am bedridden most of the time and can only stream so much on megavideo. also, our comcast switched to digital cable and we can't afford a digital cable box.

ideally: cruise control. i throw myself the occasional pity party because i wish i could just be healthy. i wish i didn't have eight prescriptions. i wish i didn't have to take a pill box with me when i spend the night places. i am constantly surrounded by people who take their health for granted every day whilst i have this thing in my head, but i'm given strength in other ways. i'm pretty confident in that by this point. i've learned by now to approach everything in stages. it's remarkably true that everything comes in waves. florida/gainesville emotions are completely behind me to the point where i could even hang the pictures up again and wear my claddagh ring (not because it signifies anything, but because it's simply pretty). my heart is freer which i think explains this new cycle of positive events, and i'm very happy to be a seattleite.

i took a ferry to bainbridge and stayed the night for two nights. he cuddles me throughout the night.

1. i have the flu. yesterday i was in the hospital for dehydration and was put on an iv with sodium chloride, tramadol, and an anti-inflammatory. a flu swab is one of the most uncomfortable experiences. basically, get your fucking flu shot. it's so frustrating to be sitting in a hospital bed knowing you have so much to do elsewhere. i have six chapters of macroeconomics and a very large amount of philosophy write ups that i would have hardly had time for whilst healthy and coherent. i was discharged with an 600mg anti-inflammatory and a pain killer, which both make me utterly ill. between my roommate's nihilist binge drinking, tip-toeing around confrontation, and the inner workings of the apartment just crumbling, this weekend has been fascinating. i'm not buying the next load of groceries since i don't have an appetite, and that's all i have to say about that.

2. i've decided to pursue cooking once i finish my journalism associates. it's something i've always said i would do -- since i was eight or nine -- and i always turn to it in one way or another. i am fascinated by photojournalism but not how it's being tube fed to me. if i am meant to do it, i will do it... freelance (and will, i'm sure). i have the palate to cook, and i want to work really damn hard. i've always gravitated toward kitchen jobs. it's where i get my satisfaction at the end of the day. it's where my time flies. besides:


3. from what i've observed in the past month and a half, i'm thinking that location really wasn't the problem with roommate. i'm giving it until i am well again and until eric leaves from his visit, and then we'll have to hash out some changes if things remain how they have been. it's dragging me down, it's keeping him down, and it's shitty to call this environment home (especially after three years of practice).

overall, i'm out of the house a lot (or am when i don't have the flu). that's my goal, especially now with the current uncomfortable situation. i have 15 hours of classes and study on campus, and i've made foodie friends from two of them. being in capitol hill so much, suffice it to say, i don't see my west seattle friends much anymore. it's unfortunate, but i have been hanging out with someone i went to oak hall with in 2005. he's teaching me how to make gnocchi on tuesday, and i'm teaching him how to make my red sauce. i got tickets to an alton brown book signing and discussion in lake forest park on friday. eric will be here in 11 days. i'm starting to feel it. i just hope that the three of us don't peck each other's eyes out (and by the three of us, i really just mean the two of them).